I’m taking a leap because I owe it to Myself.
I’m trying something that I’ve not done for a long time and something that will give me SO much confidence, especially inside.. mentally.. emotionally.
Over the last 7 months I have been dropping my medication. I was on anti-depressants for quite some time and they do and have always made me feel inadequate. Almost as if the title of Sir, the responsibility I have for My girl isn’t justified and I somehow become less of a human being for needing them. Despite the rationality of it, it is nevertheless true. That belief never changed for me over the years.
I know, of course that they ‘help and carry.’ They have helped me for a very long time and I should feel grateful toward their chemical wonderfulness of numbing and coping.
For me, I have to try. I have to step away from my safety wheels and let go in order to truly make any growth that means anything to Me.
So I dropped half a few months back with support, family and My girl.
3/4 months later and I am ready to take the next step in fearless trepidation that it will be okay, with the belief that I’m capable and the support of My beautiful woman and life partner Nicole will carry Me through.
Why am I telling you this? Because I’m fucking proud of Myself. Because I want to share in case I may receive snippets of encouragement from friends.. or perhaps.. just maybe..
Because I don’t feel on the floor this time. I’m stood, tall, heavy and proud. This time I’m doing it for myself, to mark my own growth and to stand in My boots, My waistcoat and My girl .. and feel like I deserve to be there.
I adore and admire those who serve, those who submit, my respect will always shine in their direction… it’s beauty incarnate.. I ache to train, mold and cherish… To eek out the sweet softness of gentled women that sink to their knees with lust…desire…need… gut wrenching fire… that speak the language I once carried within Myself.. still do… but My knees? That’s just it. They are Mine.
I cherish and adore every memory I have with service. Every cup I’ve served, every door I’ve opened and every boot I’ve kissed. I treasure the memories so deeply, like the scars on my flesh. . Every person that I’ve given parts of Myself too and every whisper of submission I let fall from My lips… I meant it all. Sometimes change comes and we either go with it or not.
I earned My way to where I am, and no one, can ever take that away from me. 🙂
Through my experiences changes may have occurred, directions changed but the best… is that I learned, and saw myself for who I was. With such pressure to become something that isn’t purely myself I have been forced with fear to look inward and see what it is that ‘I’ want…
What ‘I’ need…
What ‘My’ goals are….
Where do ‘I’ want to go?
It’s taken a few months to come to these conclusions, to stand up and feel solid again. I’m definitely finding My feet again, loving life, My girl and everything that I once loved flooding back to Me to fire my insides alive again….
I love ALL of my friends. You know if you’re special to Me, I try to let you all know. We are SO grateful for the continued support from all of you…
Faye.. We simply adore you. You create a safe space for us to unwind, a place for us to talk and a warmth that helps us to feel at home. We appreciate you, and everything you do for us. We love you, always. xxx
Thank you for being supportive of us. Thank you for holding my hand and feeling what I felt. Thank you for encouraging me to feel okay and for respecting me for who I am now. Thank you for your friendship. We love you xxx
What Can I say? I have so many people to thank, especially you. You for being a knight in shining Armour, Helen for being as always my beautiful friend… encouraging, supportive, loving… Thank you, for being there for us, we have and myself especially have a permanent place in my heart for you.
Thank you for always being there no matter what. Wherever I am, you are always there ready to catch, ready to soothe, ready to understand..
I love you, I always have and I always will. Thank you for being a friend I can always relie on to listen. xxx
Our favorite couples…
We love you guys so much, and were really enjoying creating friendships with you and spending time together. You four between you have created so much joy and smiles for us whenever we have been around, I hope you realise how much those smiles have helped us, everytime. xxx
Last but not least My girl Nicole.
You are the very reason why I am standing up today. You are My guide, My light and I truly do live to make you happy.. Your smile means more to Me than anything I’ve ever owned or wished too. I love you, thank you for taking care of Me in your way, and for supporting every move I choose to make. You are My first girl, and always will be. xxx
and everyone else!!!!! You know who you are!
You get the best of Me.. Nicole gets the best of Me…
For once, I’M gonna get the best of Me.