When I first discovered my head spaces I was very confused.
‘I’m one person, not two!?’ I just couldn’t understand at all why this other part of me that felt entirely different could co-exist inside of me and that I wasn’t ill or suffering from a personality disorder. I was able to fall into the second head space and almost forget the existence of the first. Learning to come in and out of them smoothly presented many challenges, blues, tears, drop. Over the years I’ve had my fair share of drop. (Bleugh.)
Over time I began (with help and direction) to understand the nature of head spaces and what they were… Then I discovered more and they began to grow… from two to three.. three to four, five to six continuing to ten. Ten different head spaces inside of me that I fluidly fall in and out that have took 6 years to develop.
So by now as you can imagine I felt pretty darn confused and bemused as to how all these head spaces could co-inside inside of me and yet I STILL was not mentally ill or suffering from a disorder. I have been fortunate to have knowledgeable folks around me offering teaching and guidance in order to help me understand where they came from and how to manage their stay. The different eclectic parts of me that ache for space and time to emerge and rise were alive. Some heal me, some frustrate me, others are just food for my soul and I truly treasure and cherish their presence.
It took time and over time I managed to fit them all in depending on the relationships I allowed myself to have. I actively recognize these within me these days and give them separate time and space to express and just ‘be.’ Sharing different relationships with people that I connect too, being open in my personal relationship to allow these parts of me to continue to flourish, as I encourage with Mine.
It’s not that I do actually have people inside my head that fight for attention. I have different parts of me that fight for attention. To some I’m a boi, a fucktoy, a hole and always will be, to others I’m remembered as a pretty girl, a slave, leather trained, to another I’m a baby, or a lion…cub… I’m a caregiver… different types of caregivers live within me. Daddy, Sir… twisted.. the list goes on.. Head spaces that co-exist and live in harmony with the other.. without them, I wouldn’t be Me.
It was from living with my head spaces that I began to see a change in my own personality. The balance that had once been sporadic and like a ‘loose cannon’ was calming as they all lined up and fitted into their own shaped boxes inside my head.
Head spaces can be fucking mind blowing especially when you don’t understand how to channel them correctly, so Id’ advise chatting with someone that does, miss out the middle man. They can also be the most amazing set of places you can visit in your mind giving epic experiences that most don’t think are possible.
Food for thought, I figured I’d share.